She's Not My Girl
by Unfeeling
Summary: James comes to realize a few things about his relationship with Lily. First fanfic. Hope you guys enjoy it...edited.


Author's note: I tend to have images of a few scenes and not know how to continue my stories, so I have decided to just write random scenes and try to link them together. D. My first time ever writing a fanfic. Hope you guys enjoy it.

Disclaimer – I own nothing.

* * *

_Lily and Amos…Lily and Amos…Lily and Amos…Lily and Amos kissing…_

James Potter closed his eyes and shook his head. He shouldn't think about it anymore. It shouldn't affect him. After all, Lily was just a girl right? A friend. That's all she is.

Then why does it feel like his heart is torn into pieces, or the fact that he feels as if his chest is so tight he couldn't breathe?

James opened his eyes again, the same thought running through his head.

_Lily and Amos…Moony, I need Moony now…_

James threw his robes on and ran down to the common room, frantically looking for Remus. He finally found Remus staring out the window, his eyes wide open. James walked over and looked out the window. He glanced at what Remus was looking at, and immediately turned away, feeling that sting in his chest again. Lily and Amos were together; Lily leaning against Amos, beneath the tree near the lake.

"Moony. I need advice," James voice shook Remus out of his reverie.

"What's up, Prongs?" He was about to continue, but he stopped at the confusion he saw in James's hazel eyes.

"I…Lily and Amos…I…you know what, never mind. It was stupid anyways," James turned to leave, but stopped when he felt Remus's hand on his shoulder.

"You love her don't you?" Remus's voice said. It was a statement, not a question.

James continued back to the dorms, pretending as if he didn't hear what Remus said.

But it was clear that he did.

* * *

James stumbled back into the Head's common room, falling on the couch.

_Love? I love her? How is that possible? I can't love her. I promised that I would never fall in love like how Dad fell in love Mum. I promised. I would never…No, I don't love her. I just don't want to lose her as a friend. She's just a friend. I don't love her. I'm just attached to her. She's just a friend._

**Stop denying it, you know you love her. **Another voice crept into James's mind.**Why would everything freeze and disappear when she enters the room if you didn't love her? Why would you always fall asleep with her face in your head? Why would you care so much that she's going out with Amos?**

Jumbled thoughts continued running through his head until he finally drifted off to sleep…

* * *

It was three months after James had found out Lily and Amos were dating. To everybody's surprise, they were still dating. Amos had even dropped all his two-week flings for a serious relationship with Lily.

"James!" Lily's voice woke James from his sleep. He looked up to find Lily's bright emerald eyes staring at him. Lily jumped back.

"Finally! You're awake! We've got rounds." Lily said, impatience entering her tone. Lily and James were made head girl and boy this year.

"Oh. Right. Sorry. Let's go," James shook his head to shake the sleep out of his eyes.

They walked out of the portrait hole. James's thoughts about Lily were coming back again. He ran his hand through his already messy hair, mussing it up even more. They patrolled in a comfortable silence, only speaking when giving out detentions to the few students who were out of bed after curfew.

"So…how's Diggory?" James suddenly said, his eyes on Lily's face.

Lily's looked up in surprise. Their eyes met. James stared into Lily's eyes, observing every emotion within them, trying to remember the color of her eyes that was so pure, so…Lily.

James had never mentioned Amos before, not once since the first time Lily went on a date with Amos. Lily guessed it was because James didn't want to hazard his friendship with her by mentioning Amos. It was not an unknown fact that James has a crush on Lily.

"He's fine. We're fine, why?" came the reply.

"Oh, nothing. Just curious. That's all," James answered.

"If you say so…"

They continued again in silence. James contemplated his thoughts. Lily must really like him. He had seen concern and care in her eyes when he asked about Diggory. Not to mention the shock and confusion she had felt when he brought Diggory's name up…

They finally finished patrolling and returned to the Head's quarters. James had had almost told Lily how he felt for her, but had decided against it at the last minute. He decided that he didn't want to ruin Lily's relationship, even if it meant sacrificing his own. Lily deserves to be happy, he finally concluded. She works so hard to please everyone, it's time she has somebody who makes her happy.

* * *

It was a Hogsmeade weekend, but James and Remus decided to stay and enjoy the Hogwarts grounds without any other students around.

James and Remus laid down beside the lake, both pondering about their lives and futures in silence. James was about to drift asleep when suddenly Remus asked,

"Does it hurt at all? I mean…you seem fine all the time."

James knew Remus was referring to Lily. He purposely closed his eyes, and it was a full five minutes before he replied.

"Of course it does, Moony. But have you ever noticed the way her eyes light up whenever somebody mentions Diggory's name?" James closed his eyes in pain. He truly loves Lily, loves her like there was no tomorrow.

Remus saw James's pained look and remained silent, waiting for James to continue.

"He makes her happy, Moony," James said quietly. "That's something that I can never do. And I just can't…" he trailed off.

Remus finally spoke, "Can't what, James?"

"I can't bring myself to tell her how much I love her, how much I wish that the person that makes her that happy is me. It'll just trouble her. She's so happy and innocent now. I don't want to ruin it for her."

"But you know she's your girl right? Everybody knows that," Remus said.

James smiled sadly, "Remus, she is not my girl…she never was…"

"But –," Remus stopped when he met James's saddened eyes.

James finished his sentence, "And she'll never be…"

A tear finally escaped James's darkened hazel eyes.

* * *

A/N: Well?? Please R/R! I'd appreciate it. Would love any advice. Thanks! 


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